“Horse Shit, you can sell anything on eBay!” Travis paused to take another swig of his beer “Shit I once heard of this guy that sold his virginity and another that sold his soul, idiots will buy anything if you make it sound good.”
Jens and Paulie sat back and listened to their friend go off on one of his standard I can do anything rants and enjoyed every minute of it. Their favorite past time was to stir him to a point of drunken clarity, that was when he would talk, drink, talk, drink, talk then do something so stupid he wouldn’t be able to mention it again in their presence, that didn’t mean they couldn’t.
“Have you ever sold anything on eBay?” asked Jens giving Paulie the let’s get into him look.
“Bought heaps but sold little, the odd game when I’m finished desecrating it!” replied Travis taking another chug.
It was Paulie’s time to jump into the mix, “Flash up your box and sell a toe that would be way cool”.
Travis nearly chocked on his beverage “That’s just stupid; it has to be something that won’t affect you”
“You have ten of them, what’s one little toe going to matter?” said Jens as Paulie laughed.
“There are certain rules of preservation in life and selling body parts doesn’t fit within the guidelines, let me show you”
They had him, hook, line and sinker, he was theirs and all they had to do was reel him in. All three were chilling out in what they called the Travis abode. It was a one bedroom apartment on the second floor overlooking the neon lights of the local sex shop, setup for the single man who has very little but want to look abundant. Travis twisted in his chair and logged into his eBay account and began to create his auction “So I’m going to place and auction to sell something that doesn’t exist but has the potential to make money, like long distance spiritual guidance or moon air in a jar, better yet a skill!”
As Travis filled the selected online form he read the sale item aloud for the boys to hear “One time offer for the contract of an experienced tactical fighter, trained in multiple hand to hand combat techniques and schooled in the use of various weapons including but not limited to small arms, assault rifles, shotgun, sniper rifles, plasma and rail guns, heavy suppression guns, explosives and knives. My background has covered covert and black op’s, counter terrorism, inter planetary and occult based missions. If you are in need of a mercenary with no fear and an appetite for justice then I am your man – Winning bidder to supply missions — payment via PayPal only — immediate start”
“Don’t for get to sign it Duke Nuke’m” said Jens then both boys exploded into laughter.
“Grow up!” flashed Travis not amused by his friends
“Oooowwww, please don’t pistol whip me with one of your small arms” said Jens
“Or beat me with one of your multiple hand to hand combat techniques.” followed Paulie feeding of the quick wit of Jens
Travis decided not to answer to the dismay of his friends.
“How can you justify such a bold statement, you can’t possibly expect to sell such a ridicules set of skills?” asked Jens
“Easy. Counterstrike GO, Mass effect, and FEAR. All 3 games cover every skill I have mentioned and I have finished them all so there is my experience, vuala!” Travis sat back and picked up his beer.
“Oh My God you are serious, don’t you think If someone actually bid they might just be a little pissed when they find out you’re a dick and they don’t get what was on offer?” said Paulie
“It’s up to the bidder to ask any questions before bidding or they get what is advertised, for example, I saw on the Leno show that an Xbox box sold for over $600, just the box because the bidder did not read the sale properly!”
“So what do you think this skill set of yours is worth Duke?” Jens asked with a smirk
“I have started the bidding at $1000 with a buy now at $25000; that should at least turn some heads and get some attention”
“You don’t really expect anyone to bid do you?” asked Jens
“Shit no but this was all to show you that anything can be sold if you word it right”
A swirling letter icon popped up on the computer screen and sounded the words “You have mail” in a computerized voice. Both Jens and Paulie turned to face each other and erupted into a laughter that could only be described as painful “You have got to be shit’n me, that is so gay man” Jens found the words hard to release but managed between laughter and grasping for air.
“Shit, someone bought it!” said Travis placing down his beer
The boys stopped laughing and waited for Travis to finish his sentence but he just sat there staring at the screen. “You have mail” sounded again but this time it was not so funny. “Crap, PayPal just confirmed $25000 was deposited into my account!”
“Bullshit, show me” said Paulie. Both he and Jens moved to the computer to get a better look and were gob smacked to see an email confirming the deposit of $25000 into his account.
“You are in so much trouble man, this is so not good” Jens tried to sound concerned but Paulie could not hold back his mirth and the two were laughing again.
“This is not funny man, what am I going to do? We are talking twenty-five grand here” Travis was now up and pacing back and forth looking highly strung.
“Chill bro it’s not like they know where you live” said Paulie
At that point, there was a knock at the door and the room went deathly quiet, they all looked at each other then back at the door. Time froze for what seemed an eternity then another knock at the door. Jens walked over to the door, paused then opened it. Before him stood two well-built men in black suites, black shirt, black tie and customer black glasses. One man had burns on his cheeks and the other a scar that that looked like he had lost a fight with a machete.
“Are you Christian Travis?” asked machete man as they both entered the room.
“This is awesome man, you nearly had me” said Jens turning towards Travis “So how did you pull this off?”
“Are you Christian Travis?” asked the man again, this time his voice was not so patient.
Jens thought he would play along for the time being “I am he, killer of terrorists, stopper of bombs, vanquisher of spirits and savior of planets and you are?” Jens was really hamming it up and finished with a bow.
The spokesman removed his glasses to reveal yellow set eyes with vertical red pupils that seemed to glow in the low lit room; he said only three words “Your new boss!” The two men stepped forward and put a hand on Jens who seemed to be frozen at their touch, an eerie blue mist began to form over the now three connected men, there was a crackling sound then a snap like distant lightning and in an instant, they were gone. Travis and Paulie were in disbelief at what had just unfolded “What the hell just happened?” asked Paulie but Travis was in a near state of shock. Paulie punched Travis in the arm so hard it could nearly have broken the bone, “Snap out of it man, someone or something just took Jens”
“I killed him, it’s all my fault” said Travis who sat down and put his hands to his face to hide the tears.
“You didn’t kill him, the idiot should have shut his mouth and we could have worked something out,” said Paulie. Travis was about to speak when the room filled with a crackling sounded again. Travis stood to join Paulie as there is strength in numbers.
There was a snap and before them stood a hardened man in his mid-forties enveloped in a dissipating blue mist, he was clad in battle gear that could be from any futuristic movie and strapped to his legs where two hand guns that looked more like hand cannons only bigger. His bearded face and the exposed parts of his arms were covered in scars that could only have come from multiple wounds. He had a commandingly hard look about him but seemed to be at peace in their presence. “Who are you?” asked Paulie trying to sound calm but failing miserably. The man stepped forward and in a commanding voice opened his arms “I am the killer of terrorists” he stepped closer to the duo “I am the stopper of bombs” and closer “I am the vanquisher of spirits” he was less than two feet from the pair but they were so mesmerized by this man they could not move “and the saviour of many, many planets and” he stopped directly in front of the two young men. Paulie looked into the man’s eyes and timidly uttered one word “J—Jens?” The warrior smiled and placed his hands on the duo’s shoulders and said only three words “Your new boss!” then came the blue mist.